After Sati’s departure, Shiv vowed to not remarry and went into deep meditation for ages. This is the form known as Brahmchari.
The word brahmcharya means to live the way one is born. When you were born, you were innocent, close to god and also you were not addicted to anything- be it food, money or sex. Just like a baby, a brahmchari has no control over his/her life. A brahmchari lets go of his/her life in the hands of the god and lives beyond all personal desires. Celibacy is a big part of performing brahmacharya because when you are masturbating, your urges are controlling you which is opposite of you controlling your urges. As per sadhaks, masturbating while watching porn causes faster loss of creative energy than masturbating without porn. This is because in the first scenario, one seeks a second person (consider this way- when you watch porn, you desire yourself to be in that place). In this case, you are avoiding the fact that you alone can be sufficient for yourself. If you masturbate without porn and focus only on yourself, then you are considering that you are self-sufficient.
However, no-fap is not the only element of brahmacharya. If you are avoiding sex and masturbation but addicted to other things, then there is no use of it. Ofcourse, Kaam is the biggest barrier in becoming a brahmchari but there are other ripus that need to be taken care of. Also, Brahmcharya is not just about avoiding sex. It is more about controlling your urges. This is why, sadhaks tell that a sansaari person is also a brahmchaari even if he/she has regular sex. This is in the sense when sex is seen as a duty rather than personal pleasure or lust. Sansaar dharma has always been the biggest duty, even Shiv is a sansaari. Shiv always blesses people who perform their duties, so if you are married, you must perform the marital duties which include having regular sex.
On the other hand, for sanyasi people, brahmcharya is mandated to avoid waste of energy. They usually follow 4 principles-
- Perform ahimsa and avoid consuming animal based food.
- No drugs, alcohol, caffeine, or other addictive items
- Maintain celibacy
- No gambling
Women can also perform brahmchari and usually it is easy for them. An average woman (at least in Eastern world) remains a virgin until marriage and this is a type of brahmacharya too. It is harder for men to follow brahmcharya because men are exposed to all sorts of addictive elements much more than women. From my personal experiences, I have been invited to take a smoke or drink (I have successfully avoided such invitations, thankfully). Also, in today’s material-focused society, men have to wait longer to accumulate wealth for marriage. Also, I have seen that people respect and desire someone who can have self-controls, that’s why sadhaks are respected. Even from a relationship viewpoint, you will like someone who has the ability to attract others but chooses not to.
Male celibacy is more powerful than female celibacy because- firstly, it is harder for men. Secondly, sperm (Birya/Veerya) has the highest level of creative power. It is said that if you concentrate the glow of 1000 moons, then you will get the concentration of virile sperm. So, it is obvious that if one is able to store such energy within, that person can achieve high-level energy to achieve high power. If you see our scriptures, there are so many lores about gods trying to ruin brahmacharya of sadhaks by sending beautiful apsara. This should give you a hint about the power of celibacy and what it can achieve. However, the unnecessary thing that comes with brahmacharya is the spiritual ego. It makes one feel superior than others but it is not healthy.
In old times, there were 4 stages of life- Brahmacharya, Garhasthya, Baanprastha, and Sanyaas. So, you should try to maintain Brahmacharya for the first 25% of your life or at least till your marriage. And after that you should maintain brahmacharya by avoiding all types of addiction for the rest of your life.
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